Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, it's not really Turkey Day without turkeys, or mashed potatoes, or family. But hey, I can have fun all the same. In fact, I didn't even spend the whole day in the dorm - yes, I have friends! And I went out with one of them yesterday. We got coffee, we had dinner, we wandered about looking for things to buy. Ah, shopping - the primary source of fun for women in Saudi Arabia.

Anyway, I have a few interesting things to say. First off, I'm hearing ridiculous amounts of weird gossip I am going to share with you all simply because it's the sort of thing you read in Princess but I, for one, never expected to find it here. There are two different stories, and both of them are kindof bizarre. The first, really terrible in every way, describes a girl who just got married for the second time. Her first husband abused her, and her second began doing the same right after they were married at the insistance of her family. She's now trying to get out of the country, but may have to leave her child here. Horrific all the way around. The second told me about her mother, who is probably going to divorce her father fairly soon because he just got married for the second time to their Indonesian maid. It sounds like the nationality of the maid is maybe more insulting than the second marriage on its own.

Anyway, there you have a few of the less fantastic things going on.

I also recently had an amazing talk with one of the girls down the hall who told me about her hopes and dreams and the way her parents affect her choices. She feels a bit trapped here, I think, as her mother has essentially chosen her path in life for her, down to the fact that she will probably be married in the next year. She said she doesn't even want to marry a Saudi, but apparently Saudi women need the permission of the government to marry a non-Saudi, and that would be tough to get even if her parents agreed, which they won't.

I think there are plenty of Saudi women who are treated well by those around them, and who feel empowered and just as able (if not more) to influence their world for the good as their peers in the States, but women here really don't have the legal and societal protection that women in the States have. The whole policy of total privacy within the home means that if the man chooses to abuse the women it's much more difficult for her to get help. On the other hand, as one of the girls mentioned to me, women here really are treated like princesses in many ways, as they don't have any financial responsibility for themselves or their children in any way. In fact, I heard an excellent argument explaining the societal taboo on extramarital and premarital affairs. If a child is born out of wedlock, there is nothing forcing the father to acknowledge it, and in Saudi society it is still the exclusive duty of the father to provide for mother and children. Without the official bond of marriage, there is nothing forcing the father to live up to those obligations. A woman is therefore financially much better protected if she waits till marriage. In fact, a married woman should, in Islam and Saudi society, never have to work unless she wants to. Any money she makes is hers alone, to spend as she likes on shoes or travel or anything. Her food, her housing, and all of her children's needs will be provided for by the husband, regardless of how much money she makes.

Obviously, Saudi society has taken separation of the sexes to the extent that men and women really do move in entirely different circles, and the women's circles very rarely intersect with the 'real world' as Westerners see it, because they're never responsible for paying the bills or buying the food or making sure their kids have enough money to go to the best schools. They focus more on the idealistic aspects of life, the NGO work and the volunteer positions, or alternatively on the frivolous things - clothing, fashion, avoiding boredom. The women who work do so because they want to change things, or they are too bored and want something to do during the day. As a side note, I should say that most of the women at Effat are there because they have a mission to provide good education to women, and are dedicated to that mission.

It's an interesting world, a bit like being a professional student. Obviously, I fit right in.

I'm not trying to imply that the work the women do is any less important than that of the men. In fact, in many ways I think it's more important, because while the men are out there working to earn money for their families, the women are campaigning for the right to drive, the right to learn, the right for freedom of speech.

I hear the screeching of tires outside. Again and again. Either somebody's racing around the turnaround right outside, or there's a high-speed car chase involving three or four different cars going on.

Goody.

Anyway, I'm writing here mostly as an excellent way to avoid what I need to do as far as work and all goes. I'm off to Aramco for the next three days, and that means there are things that simply must get accomplished today. And because, since yesterday was thanksgiving, I felt I ought to spend a bit of time in contemplation.

In that vein, I would like to say I am thankful. I am thankful to be an American, although I understand that I would feel differently, perhaps, if I weren't one. I am thankful to have this opportunity to see a completely different nearly hidden world. I am thankful to have patient people around me who are willing to listen to, and correct, my misunderstandings and misapprehensions. I am grateful to be aware of the dangers involved in making judgements - I hope I protect myself from them. I am thankful mostly for my friends and family back home who are there for me.

And now to work.

Wish me luck.