Abaya Nation

"Elisabeth," I hear your little voices asking, "What do women there TALK about?"

Ah, what an interesting question this is. Unfortunately this is something I'm struggling with myself. I find my typical conversational topics - current events, something philosophical like religion, griping about parents, telling funny stories about friends, boys - are all useless, because my background is so different from theirs. Most of them have been to the United States before, but that resulted in a love of Disney, Norah Roberts, J-Lo, and pretty much the best of American teeny-bopper pop-dom with a dash of trashy romance. Not that I'm dissing Disney - I think we may have quite a lot in common where Disney is concerned. Of course, I don't wear the matching pyjama outfits, but it's what's inside that counts.

This is entirely unfair. The Saudi girls I've met here have all been extremely nice to me, and I have had a lot of fun hanging out with them and trying desperately to follow their conversations in Arabic. Judging from the amount of laughter, they're pretty interesting. We've had some interesting religious conversations - mostly comparing Islamic and Christian stories of, say, Jesus' birth - but those always get a little strained when we stray too close to talking about what I actually believe. I don't want to flat-out lie to people, and yet the horrified expressions on their faces when I say "well, sooooooooooooortof...." in reply to their "But you believe in God, So That's Okay" pretty much end the conversation.

Anyway, the girls down the hall (GDH) have treated me very well, and seem fairly normal. But as I say, my topics of conversation will only take me so far without any common ground.

Okay, so what DO we talk about?

Well. Makeup, clothes, fashion, boys. The zodiac. Yes, the zodiac and its teachings are very popular here and one of the first questions I generally get is "what's your sign". It took me a loooong time to figure out what this meant, since I think the last time someone asked me that question was the fortune-teller at the Devon Horse Show when I was 8.

Them: What's your name?
Me: Elisabeth
Them: Where are you from?
Me: The states, where are you from?
Them: Saudi. What's your sign?
Me: Democrat?

In clothes and fashion and makeup they are much like any other group of girls although I guess I never really moved in those circles. I only learned how to put on eyeliner recently, and it was because Alice, my 16-year-old little sister, decided it was high time she bought her big sister some makeup and showed her how to use it properly.

So the other weekend they (very nicely) dragged me upstairs to sit and eat pizza with them and gossip. Of course none of these girls have ANY contact with men outside of their family or, occasionally, random people who get their phone number somehow and call them hoping to hear a woman's voice, and then call back again and again in the hopes of starting a sordid phone affair.

[Side note: this happened to me the other day. I picked up the phone and there was a guy on the other end. The conversation went like this:

Me: Hello?
Him: 'Allo.
Me: Hello?
Him: 'Allo. Salaamu aleikum (seductive)
Me: Who is this?
Him: Oh. Nevermind. (hangs up).

Now I know for a fact that no Arab Man could possibly have my cell phone number. Unless it's the husband of one of the administrators here and THAT would just be... well. Let's not go there.]

Anyway. So when we gossip there isn't much to be said about boys, so talk focuses on what sorts of guys are better than other sorts, and which celebrities are particularly attractive for one reason or another. Good qualities in men are: loyalty, being good in bed, romanticness, ability to write poetry and/or speak well, wealth.

Attractiveness doesn't really come into it much. The guy they seem to be the most in love with is a Saudi singer who is REALLY fat, but does have a boyish charm which makes him cute and, I guess, loveable. They are obsessed with him.

And then of course the talk turned to me. But instead of asking me about all of my flings and boyfriends and one-night stands, they asked me, with bated breath, "So, has any boy ever said 'I love you' to you?"

I was floored. First off ..... what? Secondly, the whole saying "i love you" thing isn't big in the West. And having someone SAY it is very different from having him mean it, or feel it. And it certainly isn't the sort of thing you want to tell people you have just met.

But for girls who have never really talked to or met men in a non-family context, it must be hard to see things from outside a romantic point of view. Now, a huge number of my friends are male, and it's bizarre to be here in an all-female environment, and that's yet another thing these women and I do not have in common. I keep calling them girls because everybody refers to them as binaat or 'girls' in Arabic and because, in some ways, their approaches to life are more like 13-year-olds than 20-year-olds.

This reminds me of the greatest story ever. When I first got here there was a girl, we'll call her Russia, who was a Saudi girl who'd lived outside of Saudi Arabia for a long time. She always gave me one of those "what are you wearing?" looks, so I was never particularly fond of her. And then she disappeared. And I found out (through anonymous sources) that she'd got kicked out of the dorm for sneaking out to meet her secret boyfriend and hid her absence by, you got it, stuffing pillows under her covers. Her roommate caught on and alerted the authorities and so Russia got a call on her cell phone from one of the authorities.

Authority: Russia, where are you?
Russia: I'm in my room. Why?
Authority: Well, gee, Russia, that's interesting. I'm in your room. And I don't see you anywhere.

Her very loyal best friend then stuck up for her saying she'd overdosed on Prozzak and needed to be rushed to the hospital.

Anyway, my first reaction to this was not, in fact, surprise. If you give people no responsibility, no accountability and no freedom, what do you expect them to do with it? Of COURSE they're going to break the rules. What's the worst that can happen? They get put in a different place where nobody will let them go out?

Of course, that's not entirely accurate. Most of the girls here can go out pretty much when they want, because they're fathers have agreed. I, of course, as a legal adult, am kindof ticked my father has to have anything to do with it whatsoever, but here you're pretty much a child until you get married and have kids of your own. There is no 'age of independence'. Why would you want independence from your family?

So, to continue, all of this is secondary to what I really wanted to talk about, which is this: Abaya fashion. Yes, they tell you that women cover themselves in layers and layers of black and walk around like blobs which Westerners in Riyadh thoughtfully and kindly referred to as BMOs, Black Moving Objects. This is not accurate. First, it is a rare woman indeed who actually covers her entire face, and that woman is generally older. Secondly, those "ninjas" (to borrow a term a friend of mine used to describe his mother) who cover everything but their eyes frequently do it just to avoid problems. If men were going to follow ME around all the time acting creepy and trying to touch me, I'd probably find some way to make them less interested. Covering your face is certainly one way to do that.

And third, abayas are not the drab black things they are frequently portrayed as. I guess some women wear shapeless plain black things, but again, those women are few and far between. These days the abaya is as much a statement of fashion as the purse, the shoes or the sunglasses. Yes, black is still the accepted color, although I've seen some very nice dark blue abayas and at least one strange-looking neon green and purple concoction. I wish I could photograph them all to show you without getting myself arrested. First of all, the abayas are much more form-fitting and much better made, so they look more like gorgeous floor-length coats than burlap sacks. Secondly, embroidery has made a huge comeback, and it's the rare abaya indeed that doesn't have anything on it besides the black. Sequins and beads and rhinestones are also very popular. Satin borders and see-through bits are everywhere. And of course your headscarf needs to match.

I don't, as I say, have any good pictures of these, because taking photographs of women is not very polite, but I may be able to coerce some of the girls here to let me photograph them sometime (properly covered, of course). For the moment, the best I can offer is this picture of Rachel modeling the style of abaya that was all the rage in Riyadh before we left.

There was a wonderful British woman who used beautiful black silk and lined it with silk she painted herself to meet the demands of the wearer. Every female in my family had one, and they were quite the hot item. We had women stopping us in the supermarkets asking us where we got them.

I long for another abaya of that quality.

And now there is one other thing I should mention. It's not all about the abaya, it's about how you wear it. The hijab, for example, also known as the tarha, is the headcovering. I had a devil of a time figuring out how to put it on so that it wouldn't come off. And as soon as I figured it out I realized that a lot of the other girls don't wear it so that it will stay on. In fact, a lot of them seem to wear it in ORDER for it to come off. If you don't care whether men see your hair (and this is a religious issue) then you wear the tarha for social propriety, only, and to get people to leave you alone. In these circumstances, a tarha which 'happens' to come off regularly and might flash a bit (0r a lot) of hair is kindof like wearing a shirt that keeps slipping off your shoulders. Oops? Is that MY bra strap? You don't mind, do you? hehe.

And for other girls, it's just a pain in the butt, and they wear it because someone might look at them weird if they don't. For these girls it's kindof a statement of their non-religiousness when their tarha doesn't cover all of their hair.

I'll see if I can't get some other pictures of abaya fashion up here, before Rachel kills me.

And on a COMPLETELY unrelated note, I found this entry in a blog while I was wasting time today. I really agree with some of what he says. I really disagree with the rest of it. See what you think. In either case, I think it's well-written.

That's all for today. I've got a jillion Arabic legal terms to learn for translation tomorrow.