walk like a man

so after surviving another summer of arabic eloquance and death at middlebury, i have now migrated back to the warmer, less civilized side of the country (god bless) and have set up shop in SF. unfortunately this is a rather lonely little shop bc the internship i was anticipating has been pushed back 2 weeks. just long enough to make spending a ridiculous amount of money on this rather lovely little apt totally unnecessary. however, i have managed to come to terms with this unfortunate waste of my (parent's) money. it was hard, but i am strong.

so ive been availing myself of the delights of san francisco. the plays, the museums, the transvestites.

on my way to SF i stopped in louisiana to visit relatives and one kind family friend warned me - upon hearing that i was living by myself in SF - "now rachel, you have to be very careful in SF. it's a big, dangerous city. someone might break into your apt and mistake you for a man."

....you know. bc the only reason id be in danger would be if i were i man.

....bc everyone in SF is gay.


get it?

anyway, parilee + boytoy moved out about a week ago, leaving me with a box of her stuff for me to mail. this i do not begrudge her, especially after remembering the various blowfish decorations and library books i left behind last time i left stanford. this box was a bit larger than my blowfish though. id say it was about two and a half feet long and a foot and a half tall. totally full. weighed as much as i do. this is not baby box. this is over-weight unhappily unmarried auntie box.

this morning's adventure commenced when i remembered that i should have mailed it on monday (i had been using it as a bedside table) and with a sudden burst of enthusiasm i decided to mail it immidiately. look at my dedication, parilee! i figured it would take all of 5 minutes - theres a post-office in my building - so i dont bother to change out of my pjs. in retrospect, i probably should have at least changed into some less see-through pants (white pants. black underwear. i am all class), but maalesh. i grab my purse and sort of kick/push the box out the door, into the elevator, and out into the main section of the building. lots of apologies all around as i almost run it into 3 different people. i get out into the lobby, and the floor goes from carpet to wood. shiny, slippery wood, and the box no longer wants to move as easily. after learning from the doorman that the post office is on the other side of the building (of course), i walk back over to the monster of a box, take a deep breath, and start pushing. its all physics, right? friction. and leverage. push with your legs. right. so i put my hands on the corners of the box closest to me, take a deep breath, and PUSH. the box moves all of 6 inches. my frictionless flipflops (which are, may i point out, attached to my feet) shoot out backwards about 2 feet. there's a timeless moment as the rest of me hovers about a foot above the ground, cartoon style, and then i drop. full frontal splat. awesome. i scramble up, sit on the box and quickly look around. gotta keep my dignity here. no one's laughing. ok. deep breaths. is there any other possible way of doing this? ............................no. ok. i am practical. i can do this. i do not care if i look like an idiot. i am above the opinions of others. i am going to get this damn box to the damn post office and send it. right now. so i get back up, and do it again. and again. every time i push the box my feet slide backwards about the same distance the box moves forward. so there i am. bent almost double, wearing a less-than-decent (but cute) pajama outfit, pushing (sort of) this gargantuan THING in a vaguely silk-worm-esq manner - 30 degree angle, 130 degree angle - across the front lobby. the bustling, busy lobby.

i dont think my dignity will ever recover.

luckily about 10 minutes into it a guard takes pity on my poor, belabored form, walks up, grabs the box (without even a mother may I) and carries it the rest of the way with me trotting along behind him. i must have thanked him 20 times.

of course once i get to the post office i am informed that the box is not strong enough to be shipped. so, sitting down in the middle of a california state post office in my pajamas i proceed to unpack parilee's entire life and pack it up into 3 other, smaller boxes. an hour and much attention later, ive earned twenty million friend points, the postal lady hates me and ive managed to send all three boxes. success! i rock.

more normal adventures include wandering SF, exploring the MOMA (mmmmmmmmyum), forgetting to go to jersey boys, buying a new ticket, going to jersey boys, and wearing my new cute work shoes everywhere but to work. oh and i figured out how to use my oven AND my laundry machine. i give you permission to admire me from afar.

oh! and i have the california state YOYO championship to go to tomorrow. how much do you wish you were me right now. yeah. thats what i thought.