Apathesia

is that a word? hmmm i dont care. why? because i am feeling, well, apathetic. this is very strange for me... but i currently seem to be apathetic about pretty much everything. politics. what country im in. what language im speaking. guys. friends. who i hang out with. what we do. whether i do anything. even what music im listening to! well, within limits of course. im not going to be listening to beyonce anytime soon... paradoxically, i actually have motivation to do school work and read those interesting books i could never quite get up the energy to read. i dont know how i feel about this new state of being - mainly because i cant quite get up the energy to care. as a result of this new motivation i am actually getting rather excited about middlebury this summer. hmm. im doing my school work and dont really care about my tan............ the pollution in cairo must finally be affecting my brain. tragic.

oh, there is one thing i am faaaaaaaar from apathetic about. get ready. get excited. ALICE IS COMING TO STANFORD. hold on class of 2011. 2011. blech. i can barely say it. not that i can really say anything with this 'class of 2009' label i keep dodging. its all very unfortunate. anyway im kind of ridiculously excited about my younger sister being at the same college as me for TWO YEARS i cant wait to be the "cool (slightly corrupting?) older sister" i know i was destined to be. no really. so next year is going to be sweet. immidiate family! on my side of the country! (in the SAME country!) will the wonders never cease.

sooooooo yeah life is good, if a little low key. no emotional drama. whats with that? not that i live a very drama-filled life normally or anything. but i usually have, well, feelings on different subjects, she says being deliberately vague.

ah well.

oh! wait i have a good story that definately provoked some feelings. soooo i have a group of guy friends i hang out with from time to time and one of them had a party a while back where he met a girl friend of mine. we'll call them... ahmad and sara, ok? going for the generic here. anyway ahmad meets sara and decides that she's cute, whatever - wants to see her again, wants her to come out with us, wants to have her children, etc. i convey this msg to sara like the good friend i am, and she expresses a certain amount of...distaste for the idea. apparently this 'my chemical romance' was not meant to be. i hesitate to convey this msg back to ahamd, however, bc of the awkward reactions he has had to similar situations in the past.

ahmad: well, did you ask her?
me: yeah...
ahmad: sweet when are we getting together
me: well, here's the thing... she's not really interested
ahmad: you told me she didnt have a boyfriend
me: yeah...
ahmad: so whats the problem?
me: she's just not interested. in you.
ahmad: i..dont...understand...

ah sweet self-confidence... so anyway i put off discussing the matter with him, figuring sara and i were leaving soon anyway so i could preserve the sweet memory he had of sara by just not having them see each other ever again. good plan? well mumkin not. ahmad was a bit more persistant than i expected him to be - it got to the point where he was calling me up preeetty regularly wondering why we werent hanging out with sara. and again at this point it was too late for me to make up some ficticious boy friend bc im good friends with sara and it would be a little weird for her to have a bf i just happened not to know about for the last 4 weeks/ had forgotten to mention. sooooooooo anyway (this is all quite a build-up and i apologize) i was in a cab with another friend of mine and somehow this topic came up and i explained my entire predicament to her, in full. you know, i didnt want to hurt ahmad's feelings but dammit sara just did NOT find him attractive, but it had been so long that i really didnt have any excuse not to do SOMETHING, etc. about 3 min after we had moved on to a diff subject my phone beeps at me - txt msg received. i take it out. speak of the devil! its a msg from ahmad himself. a little confusing though... it reads "interesting conversation. check your phone". "whatever could he mean by this?" rachel asks in confusion. then, a lightbulb of comprehension goes off. no! its impossible... but she has to check anyway. yes! somehow, as a result of some still undiscovered event, my phone had CALLED ahmad JUST AS WE WERE HAVING THAT CONVERSATION. and ahmad heard THE WHOLE THING. now, i never lock my phone, so admittedly the phone does random things by itself sometimes. but, i mean, HOW did this happen. ahmad (remember, not his real name!) is not the first name in my phone book. he was also not the last person i called or the last person who called me or the first on any possible list my phone could have accidently opened to by itself. soooooooo basically god decided to step in and solve my mushkalla for me, in the most honest way possible. now ahmad knows EXACTLY what sara thinks of him. he also knows exactly what i think of him. luckily i like him (thank god) so i didnt say anything too harsh. i mean, there was a word or two i might have edited out has i known he was going to HEAR the whole thing, but honestly who predicts these things? but yeah... definately spent a few hours there torn between being hugely amused at the whole situation and dying of embarassment.

so, i still have the capacity to feel, is basically the moral of this story.

oh and dont worry we're still friends. because i know you were all really worried about that. but come on. awkward situation much?